If you don't know...now you know.(Part 1)

I was living just a regular normal life...well, somewhat normal lol. I was 22, married to James, the guy I had been with since I was 15 years old and we had two beautiful children together. Got my very first job ever working as a waitress at a new local restaurant. Everyday doing the usual "day to day" stuff not ever knowing that soon, my life would change dramatically. On Saturday July 11th, 2009 I was preparing for a night out. The fair was going on that weekend so I had plans to go to the beer tent for a few and then to the bar for a little while afterward while James was watching a UFC fight with one of his friends. He was to then pick me up, and we would go home. Around midnight, James came to the bar to get me...I wasn't ready to leave. Thinking that it was so important to be out and having fun, rather than going home when he came like planned. James was trying hard to stop drinking and get his life together focusing on his passion...fitness to become an MMA fighter. He was great at it. James had a past with alcohol, him and alcohol just didn't mix. I knew that and didn't want him to drink anymore because of all the bad times that I had went through with him because of it. I was selfish though, and because I wanted to stay out longer, I asked him to just stay out with me and drink. He did, and when the bars closed we weren't stopping. To make a long story short, we got into a fight and I told him to leave. Usually I hide the keys from him so he doesn't drink and drive...but not that morning. I was so fed up with everything and just let him leave...I will never forgive myself. Sunday, July 12th, 2009..James died in a car accident. I can't even begin to explain to you how it felt to be told that. I was in complete shock. The hardest part was telling my two young children...3 and almost 6 at the time, that their dad wasn't coming back. I will never forget that day even if I try so hard to. It was the worst day of my life but also the day that taught me a lot and ultimately made me a better person. To those of you who took the time to read this, my advice to you is, count your blessings. NEVER go to bed angry or part angry. Never forget to tell someone how much you love them everyday. Know what is and isn't important in your life. Life is so short, make the most of it! Now, the next blog of mine will talk about my situation now and clear up any rumors or misunderstanding anyone has about what exactly happened that night, who we were with, what's going on now and much much more. Not that I have to explain myself but I feel it is necessary to.  I don't like that some may have a certain judgment of who I am as a person when they don't know the truth. So stay tuned...